I hate how everything goes off the air for Christmas.

By simply stealing (and modifying; to make things relevant) Ausiello’s Cheat Sheet, I’m going to have a laugh riot discussing television.

Sunday, Jan. 3
Desperate Housewives
returns (ABC), 9 PM

Housewives hasn’t begun its sixth season in the UK yet so this is a non-issue for me, but I’m praying to the Gods above that its sixth season is more enjoyable than its fifth which was a about 15 episodes too long. I hear a plane is going to be crashing down upon Wysteria Lane, that sounds nice and ridiculous.

Wednesday, Jan. 6
Modern Family returns (ABC), 9 PM
Friday Night Lights
returns (DirecTV 101), 9 PM
Ugly Betty returns (ABC), 10 PM (new night)

Oh Yes! Modern Family, the best new comedy by far. I can only wait to see how excellent the show continues to be. Ugly Betty I hear is pretty fantastic in its fourth season (which hasn’t aired in the UK yet either) but I’m struggling to believe that over how outright boring its second and third seasons have been and the genius that Friday Night Lights is returns – which is good even though I’m behind a couple of seasons.

Friday, Jan. 8
Dollhouse returns (FOX), 9 PM

Dollhouse comes to an epic conclusion.

Sunday, Jan. 10
New season of Chuck premieres (NBC), 9 PM

Chuck me! Chuck 2.0 is going to be so epic. I miss my BuyMore gang.

Monday, Jan. 11
Chuck settles into regular 8 pm timeslot
NEW House returns (FOX), 8 pm
How I Met Your Mother returns (CBS), 8 PM
Fringe returns (FOX), 9 PM
The Big Bang Theory returns (CBS), 9:30 PM

House is back and Big Bang is back, but I have to stress how much more important it is that How I Met Your Mother is back… The massively hyped musical-palooza 100th mother-filled episode is almost here with this return. Fringe is back for one episode then off for months.

Tuesday, Jan. 12
New season of American Idol premieres (FOX), 8 PM

Neil Patrick Harris guest-judging along with Katy Perry and one of the Jonas Brothers (et al) with Ellen being the perma-judge. One can only wait, watch and hope for someone as quality as Adam Lambert to appear again.

Thursday, Jan. 14
Bones returns (FOX), 8 PM
Parks and Recreation returns (NBC), 8:30 PM
30 Rock returns with back-to-back episodes (NBC), 9 PM

Good news all round, the NBC Comedy Night is back and Bones hasn’t been gone too long.

Thursday, Jan. 21
The Office returns (NBC), 9 PM

The Office is back and I’m not excited in the slightest by this prospect. I hope it picks up.

Friday, January 22
Smallville returns (The CW), 9 PM
Caprica begins (Syfy), 9 PM

Now this I am excited about. Smallville is back and bringing a TV-Movie with it. Season 9 has been its best yet and its a a bit of a sad feeling when there’s no new episode to watch on a Saturday morn. Caprica will be starting on Sky1 soon after, so that’s going to be excellence as well.

Monday, Jan. 25
Greek returns (ABC Family), 10 PM

Can’t go wrong with some fraternity-sorority loving. It’s not good, but its fluffy and watchable.

Tuesday, Feb. 2
Final season of Lost premieres (ABC), 9 PM

Give me a second so I can mull this one over — It’s Lost’s final season! IT’S LOST’S FINAL SEASON!

Thursday, March 4
FlashForward
returns (ABC), 8 PM

This is not Lost’s final season.

Monday, March 8
Gossip Girl
returns (The CW), 8 PM

Yeah, I’ll be tuning in. Blair makes me laugh, and sometimes a good bit of Josh Schwartz humour sneaks in.

Monday, March 22
New season of United States of Tara premieres (Showtime), 10:30 PM

Diablo Cody’s brilliant dramedy returns. I expect laughter.

Tuesday, March 30
V
returns (ABC), 10 PM

Waiting for Sci-Fi UK on this one. They’ll be showing the first four that have aired in the states in Jan or Feb, so that should be pretty cool.

Friday, April 2
Stargate Universe returns (Syfy), 9 PM

Tuesday, April 13
Glee
returns (FOX), 9 PM

Holy crap! Glee returns! My expectations are mega high for this.

Well, that wasn’t really a laugh riot but at least its helpful to me.

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